ACNE & ACUTANE

I've had issues with my skin for a long, long time but not so bad until I turned 18 and it would just get worse over the years... Being a makeup artist it was hurtful and frustrating to have people looking at my skeptically whenever I told them I did makeup for a living. As if they were thinking, "You? You do makeup? Not very well apparently..." I was trying to find the right makeup for my skin, but the problem was different makeups worked best at different times of the year so I would get to a point where I was transitioning and putting makeup on just make me look like I was trying to put cream on some scaly creature.

I was doing everything I could. I'd been using Pro-active for years and it never did anything except dry out my skin. I was constantly going to my dermatologist, trying everything. 
On top of that I was going to a cosmetologist who was trying all sort of things on my skin. Once a month we would do Beta lifts. When she put the acid on my skin it burned so badly that I would tear (and I have quite the tolerance for pain...) If you could see all of the products I had to put on my skin before I went to bed, when I woke up in the morning and pills that I would take throughout the day. I naturally love to drink water. My skin and my body soaks up moisture like a sponge. I constantly drank water like it was oxygen. I've always been incredibly healthy and careful when It comes to food I eat.

I exercised, ate well, drank water, kept my face clean, on all kinds of medicines and ointments but nothing worked. I would even swallow my pride and insecurities and not put any makeup on my skin for 4 weeks... and I would do this every so often (staying out of sight most of the time) but alas...no change.  I just wanted to hide. (As if I didn't feel enough shame already...)

Trying to explain what was going on with my skin was hard. People would say, "But you look so beautiful!" and "See you look great without makeup!" when they had no idea how many layers of cream I had on my face. You would be shocked.

My Mom's wedding a few years ago. As you can tell in this photo, I was nervous about my skin.

My skin would go in and out of peeling stages. There were times where I literally looked like a cracking porcelain doll. I even painted my face and outlined all of the natural cracks. All the highlighted peeling parts actually was my peeling skin. Honestly I belonged in the world of Death Becomes Her and desperately needed Bruce Willis' help... oh so badly...

My neck, my back, shoulders, even my chest were also inflamed and acne-ridden. Everyone had their suggestions.... always telling me to wash my face more, "use oil-free products! Drink lot's of water! Try not wearing makeup!" This would infuriate me...

I have to deal with a lot of issues, but body needs a lot of TLC but so does my head and my heart. Having to suffer from anxiety, depression and p.t.s.d. puts enough on my plate. (private issues that I never really talk about but eventually the truth has to come out so...I just revealed myself just a little bit) As well as other physical problems I'm having to deal with. But having painful, throbbing, peeling burning skin on my face and body, from acne and then the pain of acne treatments just made my plate just a little too full for me to handle. :( I hated my skin...

You can see Lulu behind me hiding in the pillows!

My dermatologist talked to me about Acutane. A controversial drug that has many, many risks and comes with a strict program involving a 3-step doctor visit/blood testing process that must be done before you get a brand new prescription every single month. It can be incredibly inconvenient, but If I had to get my blood drawn and give pregnancies tests every single month for the rest of my life I would. Because as sappy as this sounds... My skin feels free. No pain, no burning, no shame or embarrassment, just calm and free. I'm sure you get the point....

Now for the reveal. I'm very embarrassed to be showing my before photos... but I'm even more thankful that I now have soft, smooth, clean skin that isn't burning and painful.

Before:

(March 2011)

Taken after I had my first blood/pregnancy test the month before In order to be approved to get a prescription for Acutane.

After:

 Fresh out of the shower, I sat down in front of my computer and took this photo with Photo Booth.

Suffering with painful, relentless acne on top of everything I already have to deal with, well... I'm just glad to have one less thing to worry about :)

Thank you Andrea... Thank you Dr. Salit... Thank you Dr. Rajimi... Thanks Mom <3

xxx

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Happy Bunnie!