Tonsillectomy... I love/hate you...

I was born a premature baby at 4lbs. I had a few medical issues due to my premature birth, but I don't know a whole lot about the details. But I was told that I wouldn't eat, I couldn't breathe and I couldn't swallow... I've always had trouble swallowing. Sometimes I need to push up on the bottom of my jaw in order to force myself to swallow. It's weird. It just feels like my throat is just too tight.

Me doing my Home Alone impression, which I called, "Boy-Do"

My tonsils were also HUGE... which helped in making my throat feel so tight. I always felt like I had a mild sore throat 24/7. I've been called a "soft talker" a "low talker" and "soft spoken" a lot. In school, teachers would tell me ALL the time to "Project! Project! Project!!!" As much as I tried, I've never been able to get my voice loud enough without having to literally scream. I could only speak normally at a soft level but if I wanted to be louder I had to jump to yelling and screaming. Well... that's no good...

Everyone thought I wasn't trying enough.... That I was holding back because I was meek, shy, "submissive," and that I simply wasn't pushing myself... NO! I was trying SO hard! To this day I would practice speaking as loud as I could without my throat killing me and without it sounding like I was yelling. But no dice... I couldn't do it and nobody understood that I just physically couldn't do it. PHYSICALLY! Not "emotionally..." yeesh...

I've also had many issues with my nose. When I was a kid, I used to think to myself, "What's the point of having a nose? I can't smell anything, it hurts, it gets cold all the time, it's always stuffed... I wish I could just cut it off..." 13 years later.... I had my first sinus infection. Wow... that was quite a blow to my head. I had a deviated septum that made my sinus infections incredibly hard to get rid of. It would create a block that would keep it all backed up and the infection would just grow. I just kept getting infection after infection... They would last longer and longer and eventually, after having taken every single ant-biotic there was, nothing would work!

Grossing you out? Pretend it's fake blood.

On every single film that I've worked on, I either had sinusitis or tonsillitis. I was just so sick of getting sick all of the time and having to miss work. There were times where I was so sick, that I thought and would research "HIV/AIDS." I'm not joking and it's not funny. There were times where my sisters thought I was dying. It was sad. But no, I don't have aids and no I wasn't dying...of pain, maybe...

Me healing just after my septum surgery.

After 4 years of sinus infections, that were just getting worse, I finally had my Septoplasty as well as a a procedure that re-elasticised my glands that are used for blowing my nose. This was done in November 2010. That recovery was interesting, not so painful at all, just weird and freaky. So obviously I didn't mind :) My doctor and the anesthesiologist noticed how massive my tonsils were and told me about them after my next visit.

Dr. Chester Griffiths... Best Doctor Ever...

After many, many, many doctor visits, lots and lots and lots of bloodwork (Accutane) and Meningitis shots, HPV shots and two TB shots later... (TB is still unsure, kinda worried)

Shots! (Bruises from the film shoot a few nights before, courtesy of Sean Keller.)

Some of my mushy-mashed-mind facebook postings...

 "Semi-dreamimg avbouut Scar amd his lionns building terminators... With NIN in my head"

"Hrits tp swallow so badly... I just wish something would slide right ndown."

"CLsoewns...CLoswns...Lot's of Clowns..." - "Thwse were nice clowns, i ththingk..."

"Woah... That felt like a bunch of people were lightly tapping all over my body... Not bad..."

"Feels like they're pulling my hair now. "

"My mashed postatoes are turning into spider.s "

"the dnancing chairs are pusching into mne."

Scary experience:

Oh my god... Everyone that should be here is asleep. Dogs start barking. Then I hear someone at the back door..... I get up and I go into the kitchen. Someone is at the back door trying to get in... I was about to do my "scare-away-a-predatorial-animal" scream and remembered I can't scream. As I was about to grab the biggest knife in the rack, I saw his face... I had no idea my step brother was coming home from Chicago in the middle of the night... I'm still shaking...

More shots! Check out that TB shot reaction... Nice.....he..he...

 Here I am...  It's August... I'm in bed... My throat is killing me. I can't swallow. It feels like I'm swallowing a cactus just taking a sip of water. Sleep is not really an option for me, just moments of freaky day dreams and then drifting in and out of consciousness. Fantasizing about the junkiest foods I've ever wanted to eat. (I would give anything for some In N' Out...Pizza... Red Vines...) and weird pains throughout my body. Arms and neck mostly. I also have a giant tongue if you would believe it... Believe it, cause it's true...

My tongue is too big for my mouth. My dentist said there is an expensive procedure that could be done to literally cut it down a size. But that kinda freaks me out. Although now... I really wish my tongue was smaller because since my mouth is numb in some places, I'm clamping down on my tongue so hard. My goodness... Am I that hungry? I'm worried (not seriously) that I'll bite it off! Well if I wake up with a mouth full of blood and I'm not hungry... I'll know what happened. This... I'm glad I wont have to be doing again and now I know why children get them out while they're still young. I highly recommend it doing it as young as possible. I can't believe I waited until now.

My bruise from the i.v.... Why, yes, it was severely uncomfortable when she put it in...

But I love having new experiences... As painful and unbearable as this is... I'm enjoying it in some weird way. I like knowing what it's like to be in certain situations. I'm glad I know what this is like, it's a different kind of pain that I'm experiencing and now I'll know what someone else is feeling when they go through something like this. It's one of my favorite things to be able to know and feel what other people are feeling. I'd rather feel someone's pain, no matter how excruciating, than to be ignorant to it.

Alright people, you got what you wanted... I can't say anything...

*Enjoy The Silence*

Emma Bunnie